Imagine all these people in the above image being actors and actresses that cannot connect except for a reading via video conferencing.
This is what I saw. Please look at the shapes to the right now. They represent fractions.
Imagine all these people in the above image being actors and actresses that cannot connect except for a reading via video conferencing.
This is what I saw. Please look at the shapes to the right now. They represent fractions.
The shapes above resemble the shapes I found in an old math book. In the book they were very beautiful. Some parts of each shape were painted black, it looked like something that was gradually connecting, becoming one, a whole, a story.
Can films be directed in such a way that each actor is directed in their own space, from a distance? Each actor will have to create the fraction (part of the story) that the director needs, it would be interesting if they had to film themselves with only the directors voice and eyes guiding the actors through the filming process. Can all the seperate pieces be connected in the end to create a story, a film? That was the note, have a goodnight.
I abandoned my self and everything around me to such an extent that it would make the little girl to the left seem a well put together alternative option. It was a long overdue stage and I went through the worst part of it with no anesthetic.
First, let us properly introduce these kind of woods: they are called the 'Complete Self Abandonment' woods. For some, believe it or not, a walk through those woods is a necessary and called for stage in life. The only way you can get the he#* out of those kind of woods quickly (if you ever find yourself lost in them) is to take quick control and responsibility over incredibly simple tasks and repeat & reinforce, repeat & reinforce, repeat & reinforce ad infinitum if need be, as long as it takes. Please pay attention to this: what you are repeating and reinforcing are not the simple tasks but the purpose behind them : paying attention to, being resposible for and not abandoning something, anything, whatever you want! There are some pitfalls to this and I will briefly warn you against them towards the end.
Given that I had never properly explored the typical gender role of my cultural background ( the female there takes pride in excellently completing household chores) and instead I seemed to be exploring more the Animal House -John Belushi, Cheech and Chong -Up in Smoke side of me, I decided that digging into some long forgotten genes of mine was called for and so I began by just picking one household chore to be responsible for, maybe for some weeks or months and increased the chores slowly until it became a Mary Poppins -supercalifragilisticexpialidocious kind of situation.
I believe though that I frightened myself to such an extent (even I was suprised to what extent one can abandon their own self and life) that I latched on to these simple tasks a bit longer than I should have and I stopped enjoyng life. Meaning, it is a bit wise to change it up and add things, walking, exercising, reading, painting, whatever you want but change it up. I think its a couple of years now that I'm just not letting go of the Mary Poppins solution, that's how much I don't want to abandon my self and my life again, but I stopped exploring the world that I do love so much in a literal sense, simply exploring what's going on outdoor's, walking, exercizing, simplylooking around. The upside is that I can once again watch The Exorcist without being afraid of identyfying (too much) with the main character. I hope you have a nice day.
"Hey man, how are you doing?...Ok. Hey, I was just thinking about
something, something I wanted to share with you man. You got a minute?
When I was a kid living in Kentucky, I had this bibi gun, it didn't shoot straight. So, I was out one day shooting at things,
trees, leaves, and there was a mocking bird sitting on a tree
singing it's heart out and I aimed my gun just to scare it away,
pulled the trigger and the singing stopped. It
was the saddest moment in my whole life, the silence it cast in the world
was devestating. I haven't thought about that bird
since I was a kid. I know..alright, thanks man. "
"Tortoise! He's a tortoise! You know that [] near your yard?
That thing was barely a twig when Roosevelt was born,
they're contemporaries you know, they watched each other grow up. President Roosevelt was born in a hole in the desert,
at that time a little creature smaller than my thumb, and
something clicked inside that Roosevelt brain and he scampered up out of that hole and he faced the world. You all think of a tortoise
as something slow but I think about the burden that he has to carry
on his back. Yea, it's for protection, but
ultimately it's the coffin he's going to get buried in
and he has to drag that thing around his entire life!
Go ahead and laugh, but he affected me! You know what I'm sayin?
He affected me! There are some things in this universe ladies
and gentleman that are bigger than all of us,
and a tortoise is one of them."
"Hey, can I tell you a secret?
Absolutely.
You wont tell anyone?... I'm scared.
I know."
" in the midst of all of that horror and how
she summoned joy."
In highly ambiguous and uncertain situations, when it is difficult to calculate risk (if and how much we are exposed to harm or danger) one of the first, most important and vital things that will change or get hijacked is your relationship with your external environment, the outside world and nature itself.
If you are anything like I was at some point in my life, your journeys from A to B, your journeys between A and B are interesting, pleasant and fascinating. This is something that was hijacked in my situation. So for the last couple of years I have gradually, steadily and literally stopped having a relationship with my external environment, the outside world and nature itself. If there are journeys from A to B, whether it's going to the store or just taking a walk in nature, it is a journey that only involves reaching point B and returning to point A, and everything in between point A and B involves anxiety, worry and tension, so much so that it's just easier not to even attempt going to point B, and staying inside, and no matter what the cost of this is it seems to be easier than dealing with the emotions that the journey itself might cause.
By the way, on a psychological level, this type of situation might be labeled as Agorophobia (Wikepedia has a decent description of it)
I have been trying to solve this for so many years and it is to no avail. You see the problem is that this is not an issue of getting to point B, it's the in between A and B that needs attention.
So let's approach this differently, let's find a way to relearn, redefine and reestablish this journey between A and B, for you as a preventative measure and for me as a viable and possible solutions.
Because 'perfect is the enemy of good enough' in certain situations, I am going to create a video project and we will simply name it the Agorophobia Project.
The purpose of this and the experts that I have chose to guide me are:
The purpose summed up in a quote by Tristan Gooley:
"If all you are trying to do is get through your day, if all you are trying to do
is get from a to b then you don't need natural navigation, you
don't need these skills. But what if you are trying to find fascination between a and b,
then my answer changes, because consider, what do we find interesting? What do we find fascinating? ... If you are trying to find interest in your journeys, if you are trying to find fascination, then it is absolutely
vital, and once we find this, everything changes."
An additional purpose is establishing a joyful, purposeful, safe and reasonable way of communicating with the outside world, my external environment and nature.
The experts that I have chose are:
John Edward Huth - The Lost Art of Finding our Way
Tristan Gooley - The Natural Navigator
Claudio Aporta -Inuit Orienting: Traveling Along Familiar Horizons
Anijaarniq.com - An incredible site/project Igloolik Inuit elders working in co-operation with the staff of the Igloolik Research Centre started this Project in 1986. At that time, the elders realized that much of their traditional knowledge was being lost. They hoped that by tape-recording their experiences they could leave a reservoir of tradition, values, and practical knowledge for the benefit of future generations of Iglulingmiut.
This is just about creating an additional perspective and rebuilding my realtionship with my journeys in between A and B, learning more about what the sun, moon, stars, water, plants, animals, sea, city are telling me and simply using some experts for a guide throughouut this process.
The videos (except the introduction) will be simple recordings of the sun, moon, stars, sea, water, plants, city of my own environment and primarily they are a way of me checking in with the world, saying hi and just letting you know that I'm on this journey. It gives me a purpose. It probably will not be a recording of what I have learned or am learning, so you'll probably just see a couple of seconds of my sun and moon and stars and plants and animals e.t.c on a regular basis.
If anyone wants to try it out I really recommend checking out the experts above. Have a beautiful day.
A translation in Greek is coming up soon.
Αν διάλεγα ανθρώπους από τον τόπο που μένω να πρωταγωνιστήσουν σε μια ιστορία, τι ιστορία θα ήταν αυτή. Και έτσι διάλεξα ανθρώπους που θα έπαιζαν το φεγγάρι, τον πλανήτη Αφροδίτη που λάμπει σαν αστέρι δίπλα στο φεγγάρι τα βράδια, τα αστέρια, την θάλασσα, ένας μεθυσμένος, μια βαρκούλα και δυο ψαράδες. Αυτή είναι η πρώτη ιστορία λοιπόν. Μπορούσα να την φανταστώ γιατί ήξερα ποιος θα έπαιζε το φεγγάρι και τα αστέρια τουλάχιστον, νομίζω ξέρω ποιος θα έπαιζε και τον πλανήτη Αφροδίτη.
(Βλέπουμε το φεγγάρι να βγαίνει από το σπιτάκι της το μικρό. Βιαστικά, βιαστικά περπατάει τους δρόμους και φτάνει έξω από το σπίτι της Αφροδίτης)
Φεγγάρι: (Αυστηρά) Καλά αστειεύεσαι τώρα, έπρεπε να είχαμε ήδη εμφανιστεi. Ήσουν, είσαι, και θα είσαι αδιόρθωτη και εντελώς απαράδεκτη Αφροδίτη. Τόσους αιώνες η ίδια ιστορία. Έλα αμέσως εδώ!
Αφροδίτη: ( Πλησιάζοντας ) Ξέρεις πολύ καλά ότι αυτή η ασταμάτητη γκρίνια σου με αγχώνει, όταν αγχώνομαι δεν ξεκουράζομαι,
(υψώνοντας την φωνή) όταν δεν ξεκουράζομαι δεν λάμπω όπως πρέπει!
(Το φεγγάρι βαδίζει βιαστικά μέσα από το χωριό και η Αφροδίτη συνεχίζει ακολουθώντας την από πίσω. Καθώς περπατάνε μέσα από το
χωριό, οι άνθρωποι βγαίνουν στα μπαλκόνια τούς κρατώντας φανάρια και λάμπουν σαν αστέρια)
Το ξέρεις, αλλά επίτηδες με σαμποτάρεις και με έχεις καταντήσει έναν απλό κομπάρσο τις παλιάς ώρας.
Μήπως με πέρασες για ένα απλό αστέρι; Μήπως έχεις ξεκουκουτιάσει με τούς αιώνες; (Με λίγο μοχθηρία)
Ξέρεις... έχω παρατηρήσει τελευταία ότι ο κινητήρας σαν να ζωρίζεται ΄λίγο, σαν να βογκάει παιδί μου λίγο,
Τι να ΄ναι άραγε, Σκουριά; Απλή τεμπελιά και αμέλεια; Δεν πας σε κανέναν ειδικό να τα τσεκάρει όλα να δεις αν είναι εντάξει,
όχι τίποτα άλλο θα είναι η ώρα μας να γυρίσουμε πίσω και θα στακάρουμε εκεί πάνω! Το φαντάζεσαι το ρεζίλι! Ολόκληρο
φεγγάρι να μην μπορεί να πάρει μπρος! Ποιος τον ακούει τον ήλιο. Ευτυχώς συμπαθεί εμένα, αλλιώς κάθε μέρα με τις κλοτσιές θα μας έβγαζε έξω.
Φεγγάρι: (Σταματάει απότομα και η Αφροδίτη πέφτει πάνω της, γυρνάει και την τσιμπάει την Αφροδίτη στο μπράτσο)
Αφροδίτη: Ax!
Φεγγάρι: Ησυχία, τάξη και ασφάλεια τώρα. Ούτε κιχ κακομοίρα μου από εδώ και πέρα. Πλησιάζουμε. Τόσους μήνες κάνουμε πρόβα, όλα
πρέπει να είναι στην εντέλεια!
(Από εδώ και πέρα ψιθυρίζουνε και οι δύο. Σταματάνε λίγο πίσω από ένα σπιτάκι και περιμένουνε)
Αφροδίτη: Πού είναι;
Φεγγάρι: Να, τώρα θα βγει σε λίγο. Σοοοοοουυυυς...
Αφροδίτη: Τα κύματα λες να ξυπνήσουνε στην ώρα τους; Τα ψάρια τα ειδοποίησες;
Φεγγάρι: Σοοοοοοουυυυυς...
(Βγαίνουν ο πατέρας και ο μικρός ο γιός από το σπιτάκι και ήσυχα ήσυχα περπατάνε προς το ακρογιάλι, το φεγγάρι και η Αφροδίτη ακολουθούν πίσω τούς και φωτίζουν τον δρόμο τους. Οι άνθρωποι του χωριού συνεχίζουν και βγαίνουν στα μπαλκόνια με αναμμένα φανάρια.
Στον δρόμο προσπερνάνε έναν μεθυσμένο που μουρμουρίζει, το φεγγάρι τον βλέπει και τον κλωτσάει και με χαμηλή και αυστηρότατη φωνή τον κατσαδιάζει)
Φεγγάρι: Αν ξαναβγώ εγώ για εσένα γράψε με! Σαν δεν ντρέπεσαι, στο πρώτο ψάρεμα του αγοριού να μας χαλάς όλους το σκηνικό! Αίσχος!
(Η Αφροδίτη πάει και αυτή και τον τσιμπάει στο μπράτσο)
Αφροδίτη: Χαμένε!
(Φτάνουν στην αμμουδιά στην βαρκούλα τους και πατέρας και γιός ετοιμάζουν την βάρκα για να μπει στο νερό. Καθώς μπαίνουν το αγοράκι λέει στον πατέρα)
Αγοράκι: Και αν δεν πιάσω τίποτα;
Πατέρας: Σιγά, σιγά αγόρι μου και μην φοβάσαι, όλα καλά θα πάνε.
Αγοράκι: Και αν είναι μικρό; Θα ντραπώ να το δείξω αν είναι μικρό
(Σπρώχνει την βάρκα ο πατέρας μέσα στην θάλασσα, ανεβαίνει και αυτός μέσα)
Πατέρας: Αν είναι μικρό το ρίχνουμε πίσω στην θάλασσα, και η Παναγίτσα θα σε δώσει μεγαλύτερο.
Αγοράκι: Λες ρε πατέρα;
Πατέρας: Σου έχω πει εγώ ποτέ ψέματα;
Αφροδίτη (Ψιθυρίζοντας) Άραγε θα μας κεράσει κανένα;
Φεγγάρι: Σοοοοουυυς